Resolutions

Ignore the fact that it’s been a few days since my last rant.
I’m going to really try to write something every day; even if it’s about nothing.
So…. here’s about nothing! 

It’s a Sunday. Baby’s sleeping. Kids are downstairs with the hubs. Parents are out at Costco. Sister is in Banff for a long weekend, and I’m here working. This is my second week working on a Sunday and it sucks. Work is wonderful when everyone is taken care of; when someone I trust has the older kids, when the baby’s sleeping, when the dogs have been taken care of and are napping, and when the phone lines are quiet. I’m also surrounded physically with clutter and chaos as the kids’ desk is being used currently to stash all miscellaneous items from our rooms. The bookshelf is a mess from the kids playing with it all day yesterday. Our room looks like a cyclone came and left. But it’s relatively quiet so it’s bliss.

Here’s to another Sunday of work and a hard-working husband.

If you don’t doubt yourself and your life choices at least once a day, are you even a parent?

First day back at work. Trying to make it work.

So far, 2 big kids have been sent off to daycare and settled in early. Baby has already had 1 crying fit and is now settled in his rocker, and I’m only not even an hour into my work day. I’m now overthinking my life and wondering if I can juggle a baby and the dogs and work from home. I’m thinking of pulling both kids out of school and possibly just being a stay at home mom again and abandoning the three year life plan I scheduled. I’m worried. I’m scared. I want to do right by my kids and get them the best education and best things for them, but I also want to make sure I can actually handle it and not go to my breaking point every day just trying to juggle all of this.

Life is hard and only gets harder the longer you stick it out as I am finding out. Most days, it’s hard to see the positives in the chaos of the negative I’m swimming in. But I’m sure we can make it work. I’m sure we will be provided for. We just need to keep at it. Keep struggling. Keep clawing our way through this canyon that is our lives.