Days all feel the same.
Making sure kids don’t get hurt. Making sure they’re fed. Trying to make sure they’re getting sleep. Trying to find the middle ground between screaming at them and letting them become more independent. Trying to care about work enough to make sure shit gets done, but also make sure you’re not stressing about work too much to the point where it’s taking away from your ability to parent. Actually making sure you’re doing enough work to make sure you feel you’re actually earning that paycheck and you’re not doing too much that you don’t think your paycheck is enough. Making sure you’re doing something for your husband that makes him know you love him, but also making sure you don’t actually emasculate him or berate him with your words when you’re upset or frustrated. Making sure your husband actually feels like an equal partner in this parenting thing and life thing rather than just being in it for the ride. Making sure your parents are happy. Making sure you’re being respectful and not too big of a brat. Making sure your parents feel like they’re valued and know that they are loved and that we are grateful for everything, but also trying to mold your own identity as a parent, wife, and person. Making sure you’re keeping in touch with friends even though you never see them. Making sure you’re doing enough for your kids that you’re not messing them up psychologically or emotionally for life.
There’s just so much noise. So much noise in my head and I can’t sometimes. I can’t think. I can’t function. I can’t tune them all out. All the days are the same and blend in together.
“How are you?”
I have absolutely no fucking idea.