parenthood

Mommy Groups

Today, a SAHM group on FB threatened to delete its members who were not actively participating in going to events on a regular basis. Regular being at least once a week, it seemed like. Apparently in the few months this group had been established, I had not been to enough meetings. In all fairness, I had not gone to any. I attempted to go out to one play date hosted at a member’s house, but due to the inclement weather and car switches with the hubby, I wasn’t able to make it. The creator of the group is a great person, I’m sure, and she’s only making sure the group is working as its intent was set out to be. I would have loved to go to many events, but it’s a bit difficult to keep an eye on two extremely accident-prone toddler boys who don’t understand the meaning of danger. “We help each other look out for each others’ kids” is always a comment that is thrown around, but honestly.. let’s be real. When you’re busy looking after your own, how can you have time to look after another? Are you secretly a land octopus hiding your other 6 arms? Do you have extra eyes I’m unaware of? People throw that phrase around, but I don’t think anyone really understands how ridiculous that phrase is. The boys get hurt at home under the watchful eye of three adults. If you are not resolved to the idea of hunkering down and literally watching the kids every single second, don’t even offer. It’s insulting and plain silly. You can’t “help watch” my first kid who is probably trying to go down the stupidly high slide when I’m wrestling the second kid down from the stairs he’s climbing on the jungle gym on the outdoor playground you decided to hold this event at and when your own child is sitting in your lap. I even made the comment that I would try to be more proactive in responding to posts and in trying to come out to more events and actually post some ideas of meeting more of the group members, but she then rebutted with “[unless I actually see a change, I have to start deleting people for the greater good of the group]”. (And I’m completely paraphrasing because I’m annoyed and petty and I left the group so I can’t retrieve the actual quote she used.) Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this was an obligation. I thought the purpose of this group was to make friends. I don’t need friends who get their panties in a ball if I can’t see them for a few months. I don’t need anyone making me feel like shit for not being as active as them. I don’t need “friends” who judge me based on how many times I see them and about the “effort” it seems like I put in in being social. And they wonder why mommy friends are so fucking hard to make. Because we’re all so fucking emotional. And because some people just don’t mesh together and the fact that you’re both mommies don’t make things all magically better and compatible. I’m beginning to truly disengage from even trying to make mommy friends. Maybe I’ll begin when the kids are in school and then it’ll be the obligatory mommy friends because our kids are friends. I realize this rant has gotten increasingly mean and rude. I know the creator of the group was only trying to make sure the group was being used as it was supposed to be in her mind. But it doesn’t make me feel any better at the moment. Please excuse my rage venting about this.

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Hallelujah

Praise the Lord!

Sometimes I forget to take time out of the day and thank God for everything.

So.. here is a public thank you.
Thank you for the roof over my head.
Thank you for the extra money for the Taco Bell we indulged in today.
Thank you for the endless support and love our family doles out for us.
Thank you for our daily breath.
Thank you for the food in our pantry.
Thank you for the clothes on our backs.
Thank you for our Internet and TV.
Thank you for Netflix.
Thank you for the wonderful blessings of the hubby’s job.
Thank you for our friends.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for hope.

We trust you with our lives.
We love you for the guidance and patience you provide to us.
We pray that you continue to watch over us and be patient with us as we struggle with the temptations of the world.

He makes me want to be a better human. He makes me want to be the person He made me to be.

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Colourpop Surprise!

I came home to a package in the mail. I always get excited about packages in the mail. The only thing we get in the mail are advertisements or bills. I opened it and – voila! COLOURPOP. COLOURPOP. COLOURPOP! A dear friend of mine decided that she was going to love me and give me a collection of wonderful lip colors to brighten my life!

Ultra Satin Lip – Frick’N Frack. Ultra Matte Lip – Avenue. Mini Ultra Matte Lip Collection – Beeper/Clueless/Tulle/More Better/Creeper. I CAN’T EVEN. Of course, I had to try it all on tonight when the babies fell asleep. But of course my impatient self couldn’t wait that long. I waited until baby Shane fell asleep, but had to deal with baby Dom trying to get his hands inside the toilet while I attempted to put on these matte lips in the bathroom.

REVIEWS:

Ultra Satin Lip – Frick’N Frack. I look so darn good. It goes on smooth and looks even smoother when it’s on. The color is perfectly dark, but not too dark. Not too whore-y and not too goth. It’s wonderful. It’s the perfect fall church color. And did I mention how darn good it looks? I did only have it on for a few minutes so I’m unsure about how hydrating it is or how drying it is on the lips, but I am excited to wear it for a full day and to see how it holds up.

Ultra Matte Lip – Avenue. Can I just say that if I was a stripper or a professional escort, this would be my lip color? This is the hottest fall red. It’s dark. It’s intimidating. I think this will be my color when I want to intimate the crap out of whoever I’m meeting that day.

Mini Colourpops:
Beeper – It’s a basic nude, it seems. I’m not one for nude colors, but I’m okay with this shade! It’s a darker nude-ish color, but it looks pretty good. It’s basic so it’s perfect for a church or every day color where you don’t want to have a huge fashion statement, but still want to feel pretty.
Clueless – It’s pink! If you want an absolute feminine pink, this is it. It’s adorable, pink, cotton-candy-colored, and the color you want to have on when you are in a Notebook-like date.
Tulle – I thought I would like this better since I read all these hyped up reviews online before trying it on. It’s darker like the Avenue, but not as dark. It’s definitely a nice fall color and a step less scarier than the Avenue matte color. This may be a color that I put on when I don’t want to slay, but still want to look like a force that shouldn’t be reckoned with.
More Better – Red, red, red! It’s a deep red. Step up from Tulle. Lighter than Tulle, but deeper than Creeper. I love this as an every day, no-occasion, want-some-color, pop.
Creeper – This is the brightest red I have ever tried on. BUT IT LOOKS GOOD. It’s not a chalky red where it ruins your face and you fade into oblivion in the neon-ness of your lips. It pops, but still allows you to be the star. It’s a color Penelope Garcia proudly wear and pull off. It’s a miracle this type of color goes well with this skin tone, but it looks darn good.

I cannot begin to think of the ways I can thank my friend for giving me this wonderful indulgence. I hope one day I can return the favor and give her something amazingly thoughtful like she has done for me.

 

I heart you, Jasmine Frazier Charles! ❤

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Lonely Days

I’m in a group of friends who are either single or dating. A few friends are engaged or newlyweds, but none are thinking of children yet. We were launched into a world of being a family much, much quickly than expected. We got married in May 2014 and had a child by November 2014. We are now expecting another in November 2015. By the end of year 2015, we will be a family of 4.

It shouldn’t bother me much that our friends wouldn’t invite us to certain group activities since we are a big family and it’s a bit of a hassle to travel with, but it does. It bothers me that when we get invited to an event, we have to think of bathroom situations, baby entertainment situations, and financial situations. Is there a changing table in the bathroom? If there isn’t, where will we change him? Is there enough room in this restaurant for a stroller to fit next to our table? If Shane gets fussy, would I be able to hold him and entertain him without having to worry or be judged by our dinner neighbors about a yelling child? Are we able to afford this dinner and still have money for gas and weekly expenses? Are we splitting this bill evenly even though we had a bowl of soup and a salad? If we do decide to hang out at this event, will we be home in time so we get enough sleep for the next day’s activities? It bothers me more that we have so many things to worry about if and when invited to an event.

We’re on an extreme budget ever since I quit my job to stay at home with baby Shane. Budgeting isn’t much on our friends’ minds since they don’t have too many expenses, but it’s something that is constantly on our minds. After bills, we’re left with such little to work with. Sometimes it’s a choice of whether to go out to dinner with friends or getting groceries for the week. It has come down to making the decision of either going out to grab a cup of coffee with a friend or getting a box of granola bars for my husband’s breakfasts for the week. I understand that this isn’t something that is on many peoples’ minds since we’re in a completely different stage of life than they are, but it’s a lonely road. I do have a few friends who are mothers and struggling as we are, but they are all so far away in distance. Their children are also a little older so they have their hands a bit full with their toddlers who come with a whole other set of difficult struggles.

I should reach out to mommy groups in the area, but it just seems like such a huge hassle. It’s tough getting this 10 month old baby out for his specialist appointments and my OB appointments. How am I supposed to be willing to go out and be polite around strangers who are also struggling daily? Would it not be a blind leading the blind situation?  Then there are those who do seem like they have it all together. They’ve lost their baby weight. They’ve gotten a routine down. They have family or a sitter so they have their own self time.

Some days I feel like I’m drowning. Other days I feel so incredibly blessed for this path of life.

I know I don’t walk alone down this road, but it sure feels lonely.

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