Praise the Lord!

Sometimes I forget to take time out of the day and thank God for everything.

So.. here is a public thank you.
Thank you for the roof over my head.
Thank you for the extra money for the Taco Bell we indulged in today.
Thank you for the endless support and love our family doles out for us.
Thank you for our daily breath.
Thank you for the food in our pantry.
Thank you for the clothes on our backs.
Thank you for our Internet and TV.
Thank you for Netflix.
Thank you for the wonderful blessings of the hubby’s job.
Thank you for our friends.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for hope.

We trust you with our lives.
We love you for the guidance and patience you provide to us.
We pray that you continue to watch over us and be patient with us as we struggle with the temptations of the world.

He makes me want to be a better human. He makes me want to be the person He made me to be.


The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.

Good Days.
Bad Days.
Most of them are sprinkled with Ugly Thoughts.

“I hate my life.”
“I am useless.”
“I am a failure.”

Ugly Thoughts are the worst.
They don’t do anything but bring you down.
Useless Thoughts, they are.

Ugly and Useless.
These Thoughts need to be replaced with opposites.
Hopeful and Bright.

“I am a survivor.”
“I am and will always be loved.”
“I am happy to be me.”

Hopeful and Bright Thoughts will lift you up.
These Thoughts will breathe life into your seemingly dark path.
Lights the way to peace, these Thoughts do.

Just remember to breathe in Hope,
And breathe out the Dark.
This is how we survive.


Treading Water

Finance review day.

I feel like we’re just treading water. Nothing we ever do seems like it makes a dent. Le sigh. I just want to move out and put this debt behind us, but it seems like with every turn either something comes up or money is being spent on silly, unnecessary items.

I just want to feel like what I do or am doing makes some sort of a difference in at least one aspect of my life.



Shane has been throwing up and spewing diarrhea all day. He’s also been incredibly lethargic and listless. I think the longest he’s been sitting up today is for about 30 min while he drank some milk. He is drinking when he’s awake. But he’s rarely awake. It’s only been 15 hours since his first vomit, but it terrifies the crap out of me seeing how limp he is. Brings back awful memories of his first year of life. It doesn’t help that I’m also in the midst of some sort of sickness and throwing up my guts every few hours, too. I just get so scared, which I’m sure is every mother’s reaction to her baby’s first sickness. Terrified it may be something more than just a mild case of food poisoning or sickness. Scared of being that one in a million case of everything going wrong in a child. 


Humility and Sacrifice

I don’t think our generation knows enough of these two traits. 

“Sacrifice”. We say this word, but don’t fully act on it. We “sacrifice” for our family, but we also cling to our past lives as individuals. We “sacrifice” for our spouses yet put our own happiness and comfort first. 

I feel like in the past, our parents sacrificed. They truly sacrificed. They came from other countries to give their children everything. They left everything behind. They left who they were to become someone they needed to be whether they wanted to or not. I feel like sometimes I’m not doing what I need to do for the betterment of our babies. I feel like I’m still trying to cling onto the shred of who I was before I was married with kids. Futile, I know, since that person has long gone. I don’t think I’ve come to the grips of who I need to be yet and what that all entails in fear of losing who I am or was. 


Finance Day

Today was the dreaded day where I sit down and organize all the finances and projected amount needed for this month’s bills. This day always makes me feel so inadequate and depressed in a way. I applied to a reservations position from Marriott that I would love to land, but we’ll see! I hope they give me a chance, especially with my hospitality background. Though ¬†my dream is to eventually make it to healthcare, I feel like hospitality is a close backup. It’s fun, it’s always exciting, and it’s professional. I love the professionalism it entails. I love the uniformity and the structure it contains in all positions. I just want to feel useful again. I want to be a contributing member of society.

There’s something about marking “homemaker” or “unemployed” on surveys that make me feel like a barnacle off a boat. Though I do love being home and playing with the kids, I feel like I don’t do enough for them. I just don’t have the patience and discipline as a teacher. I can’t wait to put them in school where they can learn from people who are qualified to help enrich and build their little minds rather than being cooped up at home with me trying to teach but losing my mind and ending up just letting them do anything they want all day.

I need to get my shit together. I can’t wait until my new schedule book comes in. The year of 2017 will be a good one. I can feel it. It’s going to be the year where I wean Dom off the boob. It’s going to be the year where I convince him to sleep in his own crib. It’s the year I force institutions to accept Shane as a student. It’s the year we finally make a dent in our debts. It’s the year we get back on our feet and get into a groove, schedule wise. It’s the year we begin to grow together as a family. We can do this.

It’s not even December yet and I’m looking forward to the next year. I feel like this past year has flown yet crawled by. I can’t even begin to remember what I spent this past year doing aside from keeping the babies alive and finding a love in lipstick. Looking at this month’s finances vs last month’s finances, we’ve made a tiny dent in our debt. Tiny, but a dent it is indeed! Hopefully we can keep this momentum going, but with these holidays coming up, it may definitely be a challenge.


Giving Thanks

There is so much I have to be thankful for.

My health. My husband. My healthy, healthy babies. My family. The in-laws. The roof over our heads. The fact that we’re able to pay our bills, even if we do overdraft at times. Our friends. My sister. My husband’s job. The fact that we can eat out sometimes. Food in our fridge. Food in our bellies. The abundance of clothes. TV. AC/heat.

I want to be in a place sometime in our lives where we are able to give and share to others a bit of what we have. Maybe sometime when we’re not struggling financially. Maybe when we’re a bit more stable in all aspects of our lives.