Today was the dreaded day where I sit down and organize all the finances and projected amount needed for this month’s bills. This day always makes me feel so inadequate and depressed in a way. I applied to a reservations position from Marriott that I would love to land, but we’ll see! I hope they give me a chance, especially with my hospitality background. Though my dream is to eventually make it to healthcare, I feel like hospitality is a close backup. It’s fun, it’s always exciting, and it’s professional. I love the professionalism it entails. I love the uniformity and the structure it contains in all positions. I just want to feel useful again. I want to be a contributing member of society.
There’s something about marking “homemaker” or “unemployed” on surveys that make me feel like a barnacle off a boat. Though I do love being home and playing with the kids, I feel like I don’t do enough for them. I just don’t have the patience and discipline as a teacher. I can’t wait to put them in school where they can learn from people who are qualified to help enrich and build their little minds rather than being cooped up at home with me trying to teach but losing my mind and ending up just letting them do anything they want all day.
I need to get my shit together. I can’t wait until my new schedule book comes in. The year of 2017 will be a good one. I can feel it. It’s going to be the year where I wean Dom off the boob. It’s going to be the year where I convince him to sleep in his own crib. It’s the year I force institutions to accept Shane as a student. It’s the year we finally make a dent in our debts. It’s the year we get back on our feet and get into a groove, schedule wise. It’s the year we begin to grow together as a family. We can do this.
It’s not even December yet and I’m looking forward to the next year. I feel like this past year has flown yet crawled by. I can’t even begin to remember what I spent this past year doing aside from keeping the babies alive and finding a love in lipstick. Looking at this month’s finances vs last month’s finances, we’ve made a tiny dent in our debt. Tiny, but a dent it is indeed! Hopefully we can keep this momentum going, but with these holidays coming up, it may definitely be a challenge.