Scheduler. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Student. Friend. Me.
Something’s gotta give.
I can’t. I can’t be everywhere and be there for everyone. I can’t be who I need to be for everyone. I can’t. I suppose the concrete identities I have to keep are the roles of mother, wife, and daughter. I suppose I could give up being a student and scheduler. Giving up being a scheduler isn’t so awful although keeping it could help bring a little money in. Giving up being a student is a bit more difficult since being a student propels me towards a path I would like to take to find out who I am, but I suppose that’s also something I can do later down the road as well.
I used to pity those mothers who put their entire lives on hold for years and years all for the sake of their children. Like they don’t have lives. Like their entire lives are their children. And all that pressure just amasses into something huge which could snowball into some serious resentment in the future. But lo and behold – I have become one of those pitiful people. Not that they are really pitiful; it’s actually quite a powerful and brave thing to do. To step up for the family. To become something they needed rather than who and what she wanted to become or was or is.
But I don’t think I’m that strong. I don’t think I can handle abandoning or shelving who I am for my family. Am I? Should I be? Could I be?