I don’t want to be like you.
Sometimes you just exude self-hatred and self-loathing. It seeps through every being of this place. Those self-deprecating comments you make, those remarks of you and I needing to lose weight. It’s all kind of getting to be a little much. It’s not a positive environment. It’s laced with false happiness and self-loathing. It’s the environment I grew up in and I don’t want that passed onto my kids. I just want to create my own area. I feel like if I could just break away from my past for a little while, I can learn to become my own person, my own version of a mother. I’m tired of constantly being on my toes, of mediating, of trying to be aware of who I should be rather than who I am in the moment.
I thank you for everything, but I’m just.. tense.