You know those days where you sit and contemplate why you married your significant other? Then you spend the next half hour listing off the reasons in your head so you don’t say very, very, very mean things to his face in your acute rage mood?
Yeah, I had one of those evenings.
It was not anything of his fault either. Just a combination of frustrations all day. Do you ever get those moods where all that touching and poking and pinching and hitting and licking and getting ridden on and trodded over and yelled at all just cultivate to a point of boiling frustrations? These kids have just become two little energy balls that tend to go destructive and mean and loud when they don’t have an outlet. I’m just so…. over it. I’m so over being a parent. I don’t really mean it. I think. I’m just so over it tonight. Baby Dom is always poking and pinching and screaming and yelling and crying and falling and climbing and pushing the limits to his physical ability and whining to be held and bullying Shane. Baby Shane is constantly yelling and tantruming and have frustrations in not understanding how to expel his pent up energy and constantly wanting to do what grown ups do and always wanting his way. I’m just so.. so.. tired. Just annoyed and tired and frustrated. I just want to go one day without being interrupted, without being touched, without trying to decipher what the babies want. I just want one day of not worrying about what the babies are getting into or what they are doing every single freaking second of every single freaking day. I feel like I’m going insane just watching them all day every day from morning to evening. I feel like I did okay for a while there, but I don’t know what happened. I think we really need to move out and be on our own. I feel like I step up more and am willing to take the challenge of doing it all on my own than having people around to help. I don’t think I can handle being civil to people and raising babies and trying to adult. I’m just so freaking tired. I forgot how easy it was to just spend the days at home. I think I’ll be a hermit for a while. Sorry, kids.
On the other hand, I just borrowed a few parenting books from the library and we’ll see if this helps me be a better parent in taking different views on different aspects of parenting.