As a stay-at-home parent, I am constantly (and I mean constantly) surrounded by the babies. I am surrounded by my parents, my husband, my friends. I am never alone.
Except most days.
My friends work. My husband works. My parents work. It’s totally understandable. It’s just.. everyone’s here for us, or me, but they’re not.. really here. It’s like someone who needs help moving a sofa. Even if you really, really want to help move the sofa with them, it doesn’t really do much good for the person who needs the help. It is definitely nice to know that you hold some value in their lives as they send you virtual love and well wishes, but it’s just not enough sometimes. Then when my friends want to hang out, it’s a mountain of strategic planning in terms of making sure we play in a child-friendly area where they don’t have a chance of running away or getting kidnapped, or being on high-alert the whole time we are out to make sure these two imps aren’t getting into anything they’re not supposed to, or just the drive time to get to a location and getting them strapped in since apparently it’s the little one’s worst nightmare to be in nowadays. And, of course, it’s extra hands to watch the kids, but not even the hubby is used to making sure he is aware of their every moves and what they’re getting into at every second. Not even I! And they get into things every single second. It’s just exhausting. Everything is just exhausting. Every time I go out to an adult setting (aka a restaurant or anywhere that doesn’t have a play yard or isn’t in someone’s home), I vow that I will never again because why do that when you can stay in pajamas at home and do that same thing without 1/3 less worry?
But I don’t mind running things by myself if they nap. Even on the worst days of babies screaming and crying and throwing tantrums and food every which way, if they nap, I can still regroup and trudge on through until bedtime. If I could just get that one hour of silence to eat, do some work, collect my thoughts and recharge myself, I can continue going about the day with minimal bursts of anger and a relatively moderate tolerance to deviant behavior. But if they don’t nap, I slowly digress to become the world’s worst person.
So thank you, friends, for all your love and support though it seems like we are worlds apart! Some days I feel so disconnected from my friends, but I do want to let you know that I feel the love. I hope that you feel some love coming from us, too.