You work so hard. Too hard.
You’re probably feigning sleep after that crushingly depressing conversation of finances I forced you to listen to before bed. I just wanted to show you where our money was going and wanted to talk to you about my plan to save (albeit only a tiny bit but little is better than none!) and aggressively pay down our debt. Instead I added an overwhelming burden of finances onto your shoulders.
I want you to go places. I want you to have fun. But it’s a little frustrating when you get to do these things (though rare) while I sit at home with the babies day in and day out. I just want to spend some time with you. We just want to spend some time with you. You’re always off to work. Or the computer. Or to a land tournament. Sometimes I just want to spend the day with you; doing some housework and watching the babies together. It’s hard teetering the line of giving you your space to relax and unwind from your day and forcing you to be the hubby and father I know you can be. I know you’re bombarded at work all day and come home to me bombarding you with help. I know we’re a handful, but I’d like to think we’re a little better company than your computer friends. That’s probably me just being petty and wanting to spend more time with you.
We need to move. This is our main objective now. It’s only been 5 months, but I think I’m going out of my mind. My parents are driving me insane. There is a reason living with extended family is not a common thing in this generation. I am willing to put my school life on hold until the home life is caught up. Debt free (mainly just the credit cards) and in a new home. Then I’ll go back to school. But I digress.
I want to apologize, dear husband, for placing such a burden on you. I know it weighs on you even more heavily than it does on me. I worry, but you’re the one who actually has to make it happen. There is always so much you never say and don’t talk about, but I know you worry too. I wish I could help and one day I will, but for now, all I can say is that I’m sorry you’re carrying the financial weight of this family of four.